In the beginning, I had invited Christ into my life. However, my life was not right. I was overweight, the heaviest I had ever been. I had lost my son through miscarriage and still carried much of the grief internally. I was still dealing with marital issues which were the repercussions of my past affair. (The affair had been over for at least a year but my marriage was still not well.) I was considering divorce. I was in the middle of my mess and I hated myself. My life was not right but I wanted to at least try to make it right by starting with me.
I decided to try to lose weight but I pushed myself so hard. I had the idea that I had to be in the gym everyday and I couldn’t eat anything except salad. I chose to do the Insanity workout (with Shaun T by Beach Body). I did it for about a month and a half. I didn’t care how sore I was, how tired I was, I did it full on. Every morning I would be extremely sore and in pain but I would do the workout anyway. If I didn’t work out I would beat myself up emotionally because I did not work out. My reasoning behind this was that I am the reason why I was so overweight my decisions caused this, it was my fault so I needed to suck it up and deal with it. This was a form of self hate but I covered it up as “I’m doing this to lose weight” or “I’m doing this to better myself.” I was literally tourtouing myself. I was doing the Insanity workouts and I was pushing myself so hard I actually injured myself.
I physically hurt myself to the point where I could not walk up the stairs in my home or do basic chores like bend down to take clothes out of my washer machine because my knees hurt so bad. When I went to the doctor he said I had injured myself because my body frame was not built to carry this much weight and with the relentless insanity workouts it compounded the problem.
One step forward 3 steps back
I worked out with Insanity for 1 and a half months and it set me back 3 months. I was in physical therapy for 3 months because of the knee injuries. I was forced to rest, no more working out. I hadn’t lost any weight and I felt that I had failed. I would tell myself “I’m still fat and a failure.” It made me feel even worse. I wanted to throw in the towel and give up but my story doesn’t end here. God had a plan for my life. He never gave up on me. He showed me how to take Baby Steps to achieve my goals and I’d like to share them with you.
By following God’s plan for my life I was able to lose over 25 pounds and keep it off, love myself again, reclaim my joy and my marriage. As I continue my story over the next couple of weeks I’ll elaborate on that but for now I need you to know it’s ok to give yourself a second, third or fourth chance. Give yourself permission to try again. Give yourself the opportunity to say yes to yourself. Give yourself permission to love your self. Permission to invest in your self. Don’t give up on yourself because your God will never give up on you. Allow yourself to have the things you need in that moment to heal. Give yourself the space to go at your own pace- Baby Steps.
Be Blessed, Be Encouraged
For The One